[confession]

i have a confession to make.

so the fair is coming up, and i've been working SO much to get ready for this thing. i have (what i hope) is going to be the CUTEST sign and my daddy is helping me build a display thing and i've been picking out photos to show for my portrait photography and getting prints straight to sell and making appointment cards for anyone who wants to book a session while i'm there and constructing a book that lists pricing of sessions and prints and the list goes on and on and on.

i've been distracting myself with all of this. the preparation has kept me from thinking about what the fair itself is going to entail. and i actually stopped to think about it tonight. what all this is going to be like when i'm there. me, sitting with my photos as people come by to look at them, to assess them, to judge them, to decide whether or not my pictures are good enough to be displayed in their house or if i'm worthy to take pictures of their son or friend who is getting engaged or at their little girl's birthday party. it's going to be like running a gauntlet, only sitting down.

yes, i have an online portfolio. yes, i have this blog. but the internet makes things so distant - so impersonal sometimes. don't get me wrong, i ADORE getting comments and emails letting me know that there ARE people out there who look at my website (thanks abby!), but really - who is going to email me being like 'gurl, this picture just doesn't cut it. you need to quit before you fall even more behind - there is NO way you're going to make it in this business'

so my actual confession is: i'm kindof sorta terrified of sitting in a booth at the fair surrounded by my work. it's like i'm finally being held accountable for what i'm shooting. and i'm at that point where there are some images that i'm really, really proud of - but other times i still can't get exactly what i see in my head to project into the frames. photography has held me together over the past couple of years - and having this creative outlet is what keeps me from going insane at the mindless job i currently have. and if i don't have this and i'm not great at it, what do i really have? every time i do a shoot i'm terrified that the images won't be good enough and that i'm going to disappoint my client. and now, at the fair, i've picked out what i think are the best of the best of my images to display.

what if they still aren't good enough?

BUT. in all honesty. it's good that i'm scared. because if i'm scared, that means i'm alive. it means that i care. and it means that i will continue to work as hard as i can to get the images that i want - ALL of them.

so... BRING IT.

ready...

set...

[go.]