i roll my window down to ask the man in the highway-worker orange vest for directions:
me: good morning!!!!!!! (my voice is a little squeaky because i'm nervous, but i'm PUMPED to be the official photographer at an event) where should i park?
man: are you a rider or a volunteer?
me: i'm... uhhh... well i'm the... i'm the... um.. photo... (i glance around to make sure a random hoard of judgmental people hasn't walked by to hear me finally squeak out) i'm taking pictures?...
man: you're the photographer?
me: yes, yes sir...
i couldn't say it. as much as a tried, my lips and tongue just couldn't figure out how to form the syllables. the words wouldn't come out. there was a 'road closed' sign posted smack dab in the middle of the highway from my brain to my mouth, but i kept driving and just barreled through those cones and that red and white striped fence thing that they use to deter even the most oblivious of automotive operators. i stumbled and mumbled and regretted my decision to take ballroom dance instead of public speaking for my GER 6 (performing arts) requirement.
why? WHY couldn't i say it? i've officially been a small business owner since july. i'm talking: business-license-holding-registered-with-three-different-levels-of-government-estimating-quarterly-taxes-official. the whole sha-bang.
and yet, i struggle to utter those three simple words: i'm a photographer.
when people ask me what i do, my response is usually along the lines of: i'm a legal assistant, but i also own a small photography business.
NO. what do i value most: PHOTOGRAPHY. what makes me happy: PHOTOGRAPHY. what do i think about every day and can't imagine living without: PHOTOGRAPHY.
so WHY, i ask you, WHY do i completely fall apart just thinking about leading off with that?
because i'm a pansy. that's why.
because i'm too afraid of what people will think/respond with.
because i'm a chicken-headed, yellow bellied, lily livered coward.
but that changes. now. ok, really it started changing this morning when i practiced saying it in the shower, but legit, with the new year comes a new phrase that i'm going to wear out until i can't stand to hear it any more:
'hi, my name is caitlin - i'm a photographer'
i like the sound of that :)
merry christmas ya'll!!
ps - it took me like 50 minutes to put together this short little blog post. i blame it on this diva and my amazing lip syncing abilities slash tenancy to get easily distracted when it comes to silent vocal renditions of christmas music sung into my hair brush:
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