i want better [personal]

everyone has these posts.

you know, the ones where i promise to be better about blogging more consistently and spend more time editing personal photos and telling you more about myself.

a year ago (well, slightly over a year ago) i wrote a post exactly like that.  i listed out things that i wanted to accomplish in the year 2011. [it's a joke, but here it is if you want to read it - i've accomplished exactly 2 things from that list... i'll let you try and figure out which two ;) haha] 

but i also wrote another new-years-y blogpost.  i wrote a "letter to me." in it, i told myself that i wanted to read it just before 2012 set in.  [you can check it out here]

boy was that trip down memory lane a somewhat-disheartening-albeit-enlightening experience.

just like my 'list' of things that i wanted to accomplish in 2011, many of the things in my 'letter to me' didn't happen.  i have the same camera.  i don't have a "little black dress that makes me feel invincible."  i didn't move out of virginia.  i still can't walk in heels. and i probably don't really qualify as being cool.

so i failed, right?

nope :)

part of my personal theme (people can have themes, right?) of 2012 is that 'i want better.'  when mama asks me what to expect out of a 9-5 job when i complain about not getting holidays off and not being appreciated for the hard work and effort i put into accomplishing what is expected of me - i tell her 'i expect better.'  when i get feedback from clients letting me know how much they love my images and can't wait to order prints, all i seem to think is 'how can i make it better.'  when someone tells me that it's normal to be struggling with a job search in this economy, i still 'want better.'  when i get down on myself and throw little pity parties for myself and my situation, i want to remember to slap myself in the face and shout 'i am better.'

don't take this the wrong way.  it isn't that i'm not content with what i have.  i am incredibly thankful for what God has given me and am beyond happy with where my life is right now, but it's going to get better.

a lot better.

mostly because through the grace of God an my own tenacity, i'm going to make it that way.

big things are comin folks - i can feel it in my bones. 

happy 2012 ya'll